


Drifted Feelings

by ernstie



Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Drifting Apart, Enemies to Lovers, Ernst is the asshole, Friends to Enemies, Hanschen is the cute shy one, Idk what else to tag so have fun, M/M, basically a reversal of characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-05
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-13 04:54:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7963216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ernstie/pseuds/ernstie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ernst couldn't be more suprised to see Hanschen standing at his door after months of not speaking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drifted Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> ahhHHH! I finally finished a fic I was writing so sorry if this is sloppy because I never proof read. anyway! I hope you enjoy this!

Ernst has fallen into a routine when getting home to his apartment after a hookup. Shower, let the scalding water burn his skin as if it would get rid of the random strangers touches, not think about how he sleep with strangers just to have their attention for an hour, and then paint. Well, really any form of art, but he is either doing it for free time or a commission.

But tonight, his boiling shower gets cuts short when his doorbell starts to ring. Ernst angrily shut off the water and grabbed a towel off the rack. After giving himself a quick dry he steps out and pulls on his boxers and a pair of black skinny jeans, skipping over a shirt because he was expecting to see an ex hook up coming around for “another round”. He wasn't one to deny a quickie. 

His wet curly hair was falling in his face, but he didn't really care. In his own mind, he was not attractive at all. It seems as if he had a lot of confidence because of the amount of men lining up to come and fuck him, but it didn't really work. He never saw in myself what those other men saw. It was one of the many things he thought about at night when his insomnia kept him awake. 

Once he made it to the door he gripped the handle and took a deep breath, preparing himself for a guy to lunge himself onto his body. He turned the handle and opened the door. He was extremely surprised when he was met with the face of Hanschen Rilow. 

The last time they had spoken was months ago at Motiz’s party where Hanschen was making out with Ernst and he stopped them said how he doesn't do one night stands. Ernst called him a hopeless romantic lost in a daydream that sex meant something, Hanschen called Ernst a slut who had no regard for others feelings. The amount of truth the statement held made him storm out of the party to go cry out the back and take some random pill a boy gave him before they had a fuck behind the shed.

So, Hanschen being here, seeing Ernst shirtless and not put together was very startling and unsettling. 

“Uh, why are you here?” Ernst says looking at the boy. Hanschen rolls his eyes. 

“So kind and inviting. I'm here because Moritz wants me to invite you to the Christmas Party-”

“Why didn't he just text me instead of sending you. It's the 21st century, we don't need messengers,” Ernst says sharply. Hanschen closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Ernst took this moment to look at his long eyelashes and the freckles spotted over his face. 

“Listen, I know you don't like me. Mortiz forced me to come here by locking me out of our place until I came here to talk to you. And invite you,” he says quickly. Ernst sees him shiver and decides that he should just get this over with. 

“Come in,” he says and walks away over to the couch. He glances over and sees Hanschen hesitantly step in, close the door, and take his shoes off. 

“You can, uh, put a shirt on-if you want. It's your house you can leave of off if you wanted to,” Hanschen stumbles over his words. It's honestly kind of cute. Hans actually wanted Ernst to put one on because the curve of his hips and the way his chest looked was very distracting. The flush on his cheeks was not from the cold weather. Also, the dark hickey below his collarbone made his stomach twist knowing that probably hours earlier he was with some guy. He pushed that to the back of his mind and focused on Ernst’s face. 

“Yeah I'll do that, sorry I was expecting you to be…” he trailed off trying to find the correct words. Hanschen just nodded his head understanding where he was going. Ernst got up and walked down the hallway and disappeared into a room. 

Hans dropped his head into his hands. God, this was going to be so hard. He didn't even know what to say. ‘Sorry for calling you a slut it's just that I actually really like you and wish you wanted more with me’. But that was out of the question because it was painfully clear the other boy hated him. 

Why did he have to fuck it up? Hans thinks back to that night a lot more often than he really should. He makes up alternate endings where Ernst did return feelings. Where they had a discussion and let their emotions out. Or maybe he never said anything and let Ernst use him. 

“You alright there?” Ernst said almost sarcastically, a black shirt now covering his torso. He watched as Hanschen’s head snapped up. Even looking at Hans made him angry, only because he saw past Ernst’s walls. 

“Yeah, I just, I'm sorry for what I said the last time we spoke. I really shouldn't of said those things,” he gushes. Ernst rolls his eyes. 

“I'm not here for you to give me some forced apology.” Hanschen stands up from his seat on the couch. How could Ernst not see he was being honest? 

“I’m being honest here Ernst,” Hanschen says moving his hands. 

“No you aren't,” he said shaking his head, then looking up at Hans. “You just want to get it off your conscious that you made me upset. Whatever. It doesn't fucking matter how I feel about being called a slut. You're right!” He throws his hands in the air and slams them down against his thighs. 

“Don't say that. Your feelings do matter, why wouldn't they? You're a great guy,” Hans says staring at his feet. 

“You're so sentimental Hanschen. My feelings don't matter, I'm just some man whore who sleeps with any decent guy. I go around not caring what people think of me. No everything is modeled around romance,” Ernst says looking straight at him. Hanschen lets himself think before getting too angry. He looks up and makes eye contact. He's so full of frustration that he can't help but snap. He turns a and looks at the wall when he begins to talk. 

“God Ernst! Why can't you get it through your head that people care about you?” Hanschen yells, then turns to look at him again. Ernst’s face stays blank. Hanschen points at him. 

“Melchior, Ilse, Moritz, Geog, everyone! All of us! We are so worried about you. Seeing dark circles under your eyes, the constant stream of men walking out of here or you being gone for nights. We know you barely sleep, maybe 2 or 3 hours on a good day. Fuck this hard exterior you have! Using sex as something that makes you a heartless person. I know how you think that “love isn't real” and I'm just a “hopeless romantic”” he says doing air quotes,” but you're wrong! Love is real and out there but you are so fucking unwilling to see that people do love you god damnnit!” 

Ernst stands still, lip between his teeth, fists curled at his side. 

“So. What's next?” Ernst says with a sarcastic smile. “You call me a slut and I make you leave? You insult how many men I sleep with? Just because you're jealous doesn't mean you have to come for me.” 

Ernst starts to walk towards Hanschen, but he backs up at the same pace. 

“I'm not jealous of you,” he says simply. Because he isn't. He's jealous of all the boys who get to wake up beside him. Who get to feel his touch and kisses. 

“You says that, but,” he says continually backing Hans up into he runs into a wall, “how many people have you been with? The girlfriend you had senior year of high school? The boyfriend you had for a few years?”

Ernst leans in only leaving inches between them. Hanschen’s heart beats hard in his chest. A part of him wants to shove the slightly taller boy away and run out of the apartment doors, another part says to just take the fabric of his shirt into his fists and kiss him hard. The most sensible part says to fight back against Ernst’s crude comments. 

“Does it really matter? So what. Sex means something to me. It isn't ‘fucking’ to me, it's intimate. I don't care if you think it isn't. You can interpret it your way,” he says maintaining eye contact. He hopes this makes him seem strong because in reality he is seconds away from melting. 

“You and your fantasy Hansi,” Ernst whispers and leans into him. Hanschen opens his mouth to protest the nickname, but instead is met with the boy’s body pressed against his and his mouth on his neck. 

Hanschen’s hands blindly grab onto Ernst’s hips, trying to not let himself fall from weak knees. What if he let this happen? Allow the taller boy to have his way with him. Maybe things will go back to normal and pretend it never happened. What if they- 

“Stop,” Hans whispers flaring his hands on Ernst’s chest and gently pushing him away. The brown haired boy’s face flushed pink. 

“What-what do you mean?” he says softly, taking a step back. It's painfully obvious that Ernst doesn't get rejected very often. Hanschen softens his own face. 

“You're just distracting me. I want to talk about this, about us.” Ernst rolls his eyes. Us. 

“What ‘us’? There's nothing,” he says storming over to the couch. Hanschen runs his hand through his blond hair. 

“Oh, so us being close in high school was nothing? Listen, Ernst, we used to talk every day. I would tell you all about my thoughts and you the same. Then when we went off to college you and I were still close as ever, but you started to grow apart from me and start relying on random strangers for some sort of pleasure-” Hanschen starts but is quickly cut off by an angry brown haired boy. 

“Don't act like you know shit! You don't know what I've been through-”

“So tell me!”

Right at that moment all of the lights in the apartment turn off. Of course, they both forgot about the snowstorm that was happening today. Now they are stuck together. For the rest of the night. 

“Shit,” Ernst whispers and rubs his hands on his face. 

“You should light some candles for warmth and some blankets,” Hanschen said looking down at his hands. He takes this moment to just look at he blond boy. 

His hair was wavy, longer than his own. His arms were slightly muscled, legs proportioned to his body, and his torso was lean. He looked back up to Hans’ face and looked at the curve of his cheekbones. The soft shadow that showed how sharp they were. His jawline so perfect Ernst just wanted to kiss along. 

“Ernst? Did you hear me?” Hanschen asks catching Ernst staring at him. He snaps out of the trance he was in and meets the boys eyes. 

“Um yeah. I have blankets in my room in the closet,” he says, his cheeks turning pink. Was he blushing? He doesn't blush. Right? 

Ernst was almost sure he got rid of these feelings for the blond years ago. 

Hanschen nodded and walked down the hall and disappeared into Ernst’s room, remembering where it was from the other times he had come around before. 

He did a quick scan of the room to find the closet, but instead his eyes focus on the two condom wrappers thrown on the floor and the lube on the bedside table. He tries to ignore the stabbing of his heart and instead makes a B line towards the closet. He grabbed a few blankets and made his way out, trying to rid the thoughts of how Ernst was just in this bedroom with another man. Naked. 

Hanschen accidentally steps on a paintbrush while rushing out and begins to fall, but is caught before his face meets the ground. The brown haired boy pulls him up, but doesn't let go of his forearms. Hanschen feels like Ernst’s fingers were meant to be a part of him, partially molded into his body. 

“Sorry about the mess. I was taking a shower and didn't get to clean,” Ernst whispers. Hanschen feels a chill go down his spine, but held in the shiver. Why was that so hot?

“It's-um- fine yeah,” Hanschen stutters. Ernst doesn't move, still looking into his eyes. Hans knows he needs to break away before the taller distracts him. But it's so hard. It feels so right to have him so close. 

He slowly bends down and grabs the blankets and quickly gets out of the room. Ernst stands there for a second before following the other boy. 

“Why do you have so many candles?” Hanschen asks setting the blankets down on the couch. He picks one up and wraps it around himself. Ernst smiles at how adorable he looks. 

“What? A guy can't try to be romantic?” he says grabbing a blanket himself before sitting on the couch. Hanschen scoff and turns to look at him. 

“Please. Who are you being romantic for?” he says. 

“Why? You jealous?” Ernst says wiggling his eyebrows. Hanschen rolls his eyes and sits down on the armchair. 

“Of fucking around and distancing yourself from friends? Yeah, so jealous,” Hanschen says coldly. So he did let his hurt from knowing Ernst was just with another guy. 

His high school crush never died out. 

“Really? Fucking low blow,” he says staring straight at him. 

“Well it's true! You told me everything. We were so close then as soon as I started dating Alina you were suddenly busy and never on your phone. It doesn't matter what I did, you kept going away!” Hanschen yelled, dropping the blanket. Years of pent up anger and confusion were finally being let out. 

“Maybe it's because you had all the support in the fucking world! Your parents did give a shit that you liked boys and girls. They loved whatever boyfriend they were brought. I come out to my parents and now they only fucking talk to me on my birthday some some shitty holidays!” He yells standing up. Ernst turns towards the wall and runs a hand through his still damp curls. Hanschen stays silent. 

He was jealous of how his parents accepted him? Why hadn't he told him that earlier?

“Why didn't you just tell me?” he says softly. Ernst scoffs. 

“Because there's more than that,” he whispers. Hans took a few steps and places his hand on the boys shoulder. 

“Then tell me.” Ernst turns around and meets his eyes. 

“Hanschen. I've been in love with you since 9th year.” With that the blond boy kisses him. Their lips move in desperation. Together. When they finally break apart they rest their foreheads against each other's. 

“I've loved you since then too.”


End file.
